Camping version FFIX
by Edonil
Summary: A little one-shot I cooked up. This outlines what happens during those tent scenes. (There's no way the tent just goes pop and is there) This also explains why you can never use the same tent twice.


Edonil: Me again! Yes, I'm not dead! This is just a little one-shot I cooked up during a particularly long theatre rehearsal. Enjoy!

Note to 'To Change' Readers: Sorry I haven't been updating. I was in Disney World, so I didn't have computer access. I hope to write something this week… But I'm in a play this weekend, so I might not have time.

Disclaimer: They ain't mine! The idea probably ain't mine either, as I'm sure at least one person has written about everyone's favourite FFIX characters camping.

Important Note: This takes place near the beginning of the game, between Evil Forest and the Ice Cavern.

* * *

**Camping Version FFIX**

"Hey Rusty! I think we should stop for the night!"

"The Princess must return to the Castle as soon as possible, Thief!"

"I am not returning to the Castle, Steiner. And I agree with Zidane; it's getting late. Why don't we tent, and get a fresh start in the morning?"

"Very well. Who has the Moogle Flute?"

"You do, Rusty."

"Oh…" Steiner looked rather embarrassed. "Right. Uh…." He looked at the instrument dubiously. "Your Highness, would you like to call the moogle?" he asked, handing her the flute. Garnet nodded, and played the every-annoying tune. Within seconds, a moogle stood there.

"How can I help you, Kupo?"

"We would like to tent," Garnet told it.

"Alright Kupo. Here you go!" Garnet looked doubtfully at the package.

"This is a tent?"

"Of course, Kupo!" The moogle cocked his head for a moment, as if listening to something only he could hear. "I have to go, Kupo. Other adventurers call." The moogle then zipped away, leaving the befuddled travellers alone with the tent.

"Shall we get this tent pitched?" Zidane asked rhetorically. The group nodded, and began.

The tent didn't want to go up. No, not 'didn't want to'; it flat out refused. Steiner nearly cut the thing in half due to pure frustration the third time it collapsed. Her Royal Highness had a royal fit soon after. Vivi lost it and accidentally caused a small grassfire. Vivi also learned a few new words from Zidane.

"Why won't this (bleep)ing thing (bleep)ing (bleep) (bleep) (bleepity bleep)!" Zidane snarled.

"Zidane! That ribald language is not-"

"Steiner, what does (bleep) mean?" Steiner looked rather uncomfortable as he tried to answer Vivi's question.

"Uh… It's… Er… (bleep) you, Knave!"

Many (bleep)s later, the tent was finally pitched.

"It's… kinda small," Zidane commented.

"I am sure we can squish," Garnet assured him.

"Squish? Like, be close?" Zidane looked like a kid in a candy shop. "I call the bed next to Gar-"

"Me." Zidane scowled at the rusty knight. "I don't trust you near the Princess."

"(bleep). Ah, well, can't blame a guy for trying."

It was finally decided that Zidane would be next to the wall… side… edge, Steiner would be next, then Vivi, with Garnet on the far side. Zidane looked downright depressed. But Steiner had threatened to do horrible things to Zidane, so Zidane was also downright agreeable.

They climbed into the tent and lay down. It was silent for a couple seconds, then-

"What was that for?"

"What was what for, Monkey?"

"You hit me!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"You're imagining things!"

"I'm bruised."

"Maybe it was the door-flap."

"A _metal_ door-flap?"

"Uh… It was an accident."

Silence. Then-

"Do you _sleep_ in armour?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I hear a horrible creaking sound."

"… Yes, I do."

"Why the (bleep) do you sleep in armour?"

"Language!"

"Why the (bleep)ing (bleep) do you sleep in (bleep)ing sleep in (bleep)ing armour?" Zidane grinned cheekily.

"You will moderate your language, you louche rogue!"

"Shut up, you pompous popinjay!"

"Will you two shut the (bleep)ing (bleep) up! If you don't, I'll (bleep) (bleep) (bleepity bleep bleep)!"

"Princess Garnet til Alexandros, where did you learn such language?"

"You. Last summer, when you were training those new knights. Now let me sleep."

After that, the only sound was crickets chirping- until Steiner fell asleep, when the added noise of a grating snore began.

Zidane woke the next morning when the tent collapsed on his head. Struggling to get out, he yelled,

"What the (bleep)!"

"It's morning," responded everyone's _favourite_ tin-man. Zidane was still having trouble exiting the tent, so with a sigh he pulled out his dagger and cut himself an exit.

The group- all but Zidane had already woken and gotten up- surveyed the ruined remains of their tent.

"That's the third morning in a row," Garnet commented lightly.

"Three for three," agreed Zidane. "Why do I get the feeling we'll never be able to use a tent more than once?" Shivering, Zidane looked around at the chilly, mist-covered field. "I hate camping."

**Fin

* * *

**

Edonil: So, what think you? You like? Hate? Something else? Please respond! I beg you! Ah, what the heck, you can even flame (all flames will go towards the FFIX Camping Roast Marshmallow Project)!


End file.
